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    Maelstrom New Horizons


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Joke thread

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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
 
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.'

The girl looked at him and then said, 'NO.'

Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend; She called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He wont even be able to get his pants down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened?'

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all quarters!'
 
Eddie's next score was with the secretary upstairs. He offered her $1,000,000 for sex and she agreed.

So he looked in his wallet, then said "Sorry, I don't have that much. Would you settle for $10?"

The secretary answered indignantly "What do you think I am, some sort of cheap whore?"

And Eddie said "We've already established that you're a whore, now we're just haggling over the price."
 
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