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    Maelstrom New Horizons


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Joke thread

<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/piratesing.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shock" border="0" alt="piratesing.gif" />
 
amazing what unrelated things you can find to what you're searching on google. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
I have a cat too.. its just darned funny when the look at things with big eyes. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />

But this... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/vp21.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
I find that incredibly disturbing, yet insanely funny <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/grudi.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/big-xuy.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Beware the mighty pole! <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />

<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/for0057l.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/jmo0343l.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
which ass came up with this? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/PBF047ADMittens.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/vegas1preview.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/uf006302-1.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Once there was a brunette jumping on the train tracks screaming 21, 21, 21. A blonde walked by and thought it looked fun so she jumped on the train tracks screaming 21, 21, 21 a train came, the brunette jumped off the tracks the blond got hit the train passed. The brunette jumped back onto the train tracks and started screaming 22, 22, 22.
 
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
 
Oh s**t!! <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/piratesing.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shock" border="0" alt="piratesing.gif" />
 
There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"
 
A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.

The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "No, of course not!"

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit!
 
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