Pirates of the Caribbean: Community Prequel Script

[Pieter Boelen]

Much better. I think it still needs some slight work though; Mercer having "other business to attend to" just when they finally got where they were going seems rather strange to me. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_confused.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="icon_confused.gif" />

I started work on going through the whole script and trying to trim away the fat, improve the dialog, fit in all good ideas, etc. and generally make it better. I noticed that the movie gets going rather slowly, what with first having Edwards' briefing scene, then having Jack's briefing scene, both serving pretty much the same purpose. Also a lot of Commodore John Paul Jones' original good stuff seems to have disappeared, so I tried to put some of that back in. This is what I have so far. Far from being finished. Don't be offending if your stuff is no longer in there. If it's good, we'll find some way of putting it back. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="yes.gif" />


<div align='center'>PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: HOIST THE COLOURS


FADE IN:


EXT. ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE - DAY


Camera pans along a beautiful English countryside
A carriage is seen riding past a sign saying "London, 30 miles"


INTERIOR CARRIAGE


The occupant can be seen to be a naval officer in the
uniform of the EITC, holding a letter in his hand.


LONDON STREET, EVENING


The weather has turned bleak and foggy as the carriage rides through the London streets
until it stops in front of a large white building with marble steps leading up to it.
The carriage halts. A shadowy figure walks down the stairs and opens the carriage door.


MERCER
Post Captain Nathaniel Edwards?


EDWARDS
Indeed.


MERCER
Follow me, please.


CLIFFS OF DOVER - EARLY MORNING
The sun is rising; a fresh breeze is blowing from the sea.
Beckett and Edwards are standing at the cliffs' edge.


BECKETT
(making a broad gesture towards a ship that appears black in the rising sun)
There's your assignment.


EXT. WICKED WENCH SAILING ALONG THE ENGLISH COAST - DAY


The Wicked Wench appears black in the rising sun. The camera pans slowly around the ship
to show a black EITC flag at her stern. An officer in a rather expensive looking civilian garb stands
with one hand stretched out, a pocket watch resting open in his palm.


FARQUHAR
Its half past seven, Mr. Watts.
Strike the bell and summon the captain.


MR. WATTS
Aye, Mr. Farquhar.


INT. WICKED WENCH, OUTSIDE CAPTAIN'S CABIN - DAY


Mr. Watts knocks on the door.


VOICE
Yes?


MR. WATTS
Mr. Farquhar's respects, sir.
It's half past seven.
We have reached the shores of Dover.


VOICE
I'll be up presently.


MR. WATTS
Aye, captain.


EXT. WICKED WENCH, DECK - DAY


The Wicked Wench is making her way towards the Thames entrance.


FARQUHAR
Look, Percy. 'Bout four points off the larboard bow.


Watts holds a spyglass to his eye.
Several large ships can be seen riding at anchor behind the headland.


WATTS
Spithead?


FARQUHAR
That it is, Percy. Almost home.


VOICE
So what have we got here, gentlemen?


FARQUHAR
The Channel squadron, sir.
Spithead.


CAPTAIN
Very well, Mr. Farquhar.
Lets loose the courses and get a little closer inshore.
The Thames awaits us.</div>

 

[Pieter Boelen]

I think we should have only one briefing scene where we get the necessary information accross to the audience. And fitting in with my notion of shifting the focus of the story more to Edwards, I think we could have only an Edwards briefing scene and leave out most of the Jack briefing scene. I would like to show most of the beginning of the film from Edwards' point of view and not from Jack's. That way we can establish that Edwards doesn't really regard Jack very highly straight from the beginning, which then makes their eventual friendship and falling apart much more interesting.

 

[gunsmith]

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Gentlemen and Officers,

Perhaps we are back to Prisoners again?

I like the idea of Beckett wanting Tia for some purpose, but can't imagine how that would pan out - What has she done previously that has come to his attention, is there time to tell this story? Or is it just a quick dialogue thing which is covered back in London between Beckett and Mercer?

"Your task Mr Mercer is to ensure my cargo arrives free from interuption"
"It will be done Lord Beckett"
"It had better be Mr Mercer, if anything happens to her, you will be personnaly held accountable, do I make myself clear?"

So the reference to her is vague, but when we see Tia in Africa it becomes clearer.

A line of people joined by neck manacles or similar is walked up the dock to the ship.

Jack looks on aghast.

As Tia reaches the deck of the ship and the neck manacle is being removed, perhaps she looks Jack in the eye and says;

"What brings you to Africa on such an errand Jack Sparrow?"

As she is led away he turns after her and says;

"Thats Captain Jack Sparrow" and "How the hell do you know my name?"

"It is destiny Jack Sparrow, that brings you here you will see..."

I think Jack would be pretty freaked out by this. I can also see Mercer looking across the deck suspiciously at Jack having heard the exchange.

Perhaps there is an opportunity for some brief dialogue between them.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

From page 27.
Maybe we could have a short flashback where Becket tells Mercers to bring Tia to him.

 

[gunsmith]

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Mercer having "other business to attend to" just when they finally got where they were going seems rather strange to me.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Yeah. you're right.
But we have to separate Jack from the others somehow so that he and Tia can have their chat. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="biggrin.gif" />

 

[Old Salt]

And so that he can be surprised when hearing the marine gunfire rounding up the slaves.

<!--quoteo(post=249471:date=Apr 6 2008, 11:43 AM:name=Pieter Boelen)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pieter Boelen @ Apr 6 2008, 11:43 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249471"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Much better. I think it still needs some slight work though; Mercer having "other business to attend to" just when they finally got where they were going seems rather strange to me. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_confused.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="icon_confused.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Isn't the other business rounding up the slaves that Jack presumably knows nothing about?

 

[gunsmith]

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->And so that he can be surprised when hearing the marine gunfire rounding up the slaves.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Exactly.
We need something that will separate Jack and Mercer.

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I would like to show most of the beginning of the film from Edwards' point of view and not from Jack's<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Hmmm... I think we are showing it from both views and it's quite good.
We cant just look it from Edwards point of view 'couse we need to see Jack before turning to pirate which is very important.

 

[Pieter Boelen]

I think we need to figure out what Jack does and doesn't know. What exactly are Jack's orders? To sail the Wicked Wench from London to Turtle Rock on the Ivory Coast, then use the map he's been given to find a village. Then what? Perhaps Jack assumes they want to establish trade with that village, so when they arrive, he goes to find the vilage chief so that they may start negotiations about that trade. That is also a good way of separating Jack and the others: Jack goes to find the village chief, leaving the others behind. Then when he's talking with the chief and/or Tia Dalma in a hut, suddenly they hear shouting outside.

<!--quoteo(post=249474:date=Apr 6 2008, 05:56 PM:name=gunsmith)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (gunsmith @ Apr 6 2008, 05:56 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249474"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Maybe we could have a short flashback where Becket tells Mercers to bring Tia to him.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->I'd rather not use any flashbacks. There have been no flashbacks in the PotC films and I think we should stick to that, unless we really can't do otherwise. Of course the audience does not need to know that Tia is important to Beckett. If we do not explain it, the audience will think, along with Jack, that they're just there to capture some slaves. Of course Jack then gets to think about the situation and having Mercer himself be present on the mission seems rather odd if it's just an ordinary slave transport.

<!--quoteo(post=249495:date=Apr 6 2008, 07:11 PM:name=gunsmith)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (gunsmith @ Apr 6 2008, 07:11 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249495"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Hmmm... I think we are showing it from both views and it's quite good.
We cant just look it from Edwards point of view 'couse we need to see Jack before turning to pirate which is very important.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Did you ever read Lieutenant Hornblower? The book is about Hornblower, but the entire story is told from the perspective of Mr. Bush, a fellow lieutenant to Hornblower. This makes for very interestig storytelling, because you get to see the character of Hornblower as seen by an outsider, who at first doesn't really like him. By the end of the story, and in the later books as well, Mr. Bush becomes one of Hornblower's best friends. That is the kind of relationship I would like to establish between Jack and Edwards. The difference being that their friendship is torn apart due to the events turning Jack into a pirate. Also Edwards is different from Mr. Bush in that Edwards is a much more capable officer than Jack is, while Hornblower is a better officer than Mr. Bush.

It seems to me we remain focused on Jack for the most part and I would like to shift focus to at least 50% Edwards and 50% Jack, but possibly even more Edwards and less Jack in the beginning of the film. We can still show Jack before turning pirate that way, just from the viewpoint of Edwards. This would then imply that most scenes with Jack would then also have Edwards in them and we wouldn't really have many Jack-only scenes. This would also help in showing the relationship between Jack and Edwards, because Jack-only scenes don't really do anything to advance that.

Also we need to come up with something for Edwards to do then once Jack turns pirate. Once Jack turns pirate, he goes off on his own and it would be rather odd to first have Edwards as a main character in the film, only to lose track of him halfway into the film, only to appear at the end again. On the other hand, this might just work very well... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="rolleyes.gif" />

 

[Old Salt]

<!--quoteo(post=249498:date=Apr 6 2008, 01:32 PM:name=Pieter Boelen)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pieter Boelen @ Apr 6 2008, 01:32 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249498"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I think we need to figure out what Jack does and doesn't know. What exactly are Jack's orders? To sail the Wicked Wench from London to Turtle Rock on the Ivory Coast, then use the map he's been given to find a village. Then what? Perhaps Jack assumes they want to establish trade with that village, so when they arrive, he goes to find the vilage chief so that they may start negotiations about that trade. That is also a good way of separating Jack and the others: Jack goes to find the village chief, leaving the others behind. Then when he's talking with the chief and/or Tia Dalma in a hut, suddenly they hear shouting outside.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
This has been what is confusing. For the scene to work Jack has to be in the dark about Beckett and Mercer's real motives, otherwise how could he feign outrage when these events transpire and then how would that eventually push him towards being a pirate, if he knew all along that this was their mission in the Ivory Coast? That's why I keep referring to Mercer's private business.

<!--quoteo(post=249498:date=Apr 6 2008, 01:32 PM:name=Pieter Boelen)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pieter Boelen @ Apr 6 2008, 01:32 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249498"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->It seems to me we remain focused on Jack for the most part and I would like to shift focus to at least 50% Edwards and 50% Jack, but possibly even more Edwards and less Jack in the beginning of the film. We can still show Jack before turning pirate that way, just from the viewpoint of Edwards. This would then imply that most scenes with Jack would then also have Edwards in them and we wouldn't really have many Jack-only scenes. This would also help in showing the relationship between Jack and Edwards, because Jack-only scenes don't really do anything to advance that.

Also we need to come up with something for Edwards to do then once Jack turns pirate. Once Jack turns pirate, he goes off on his own and it would be rather odd to first have Edwards as a main character in the film, only to lose track of him halfway into the film, only to appear at the end again. On the other hand, this might just work very well... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="rolleyes.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
We have to start beefing up Edwards then if he is to have at least a 50 percent part in this film. Right now, as you point out, he will disappear after Jack turns pirate, at least until they meet up again. As you say, that can work as well, but then, anything can work really depending on how we present it.
Maybe we should work out this scene and then begin filling in Edwards a bit more so we know what were working with and if the script should be following him once he parts company with Jack.

 

[Pieter Boelen]

<!--quoteo(post=249499:date=Apr 6 2008, 07:51 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Apr 6 2008, 07:51 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249499"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->This has been what is confusing. For the scene to work Jack has to be in the dark about Beckett and Mercer's real motives, otherwise how could he feign outrage when these events transpire and then how would that eventually push him towards being a pirate, if he knew all along that this was their mission in the Ivory Coast? That's why I keep referring to Mercer's private business.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Very true. I think Jack's orders should be to get Mercer to that village and let him handle the rest. That's all Jack really needs to know and that's all that the audience really needs to know. We might have a scene where Edwards and Jack speculate on what Mercer wants to do with the villagers and they then think that perhaps Beckett wants to establish some sort of trade there. With that in mind, Jack would try to establish contact with the chief upon arrival, leaving Mercer behind. During the ensuing conversation, Mercer starts capturing the villagers and leading them towards the ship. I think that might work, right?

I suddenly remembered another alternate thought I had quite a while ago. Their destination is not the village, but instead they're headed for a port in Africa somewhere. Jack decides to land to re-supply the ship cheaply and then meets the villagers. Then they continue their voyage to the town. There they are met with the same villagers in chains on the sea-side, waiting to be loaded onto the Wench. Of course Jack, already knowing these people previously, is not happy with this at all, but there's nothing he can do about it.
What about that thought? Not sure if it's good; it might just lengthen the story needlessly and deprive us of the "action" scene where the villagers are captured. Still I like the idea of Jack suddenly facing his villager friends in chains on the dock.

<!--quoteo(post=249499:date=Apr 6 2008, 07:51 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Apr 6 2008, 07:51 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249499"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->We have to start beefing up Edwards then if he is to have at least a 50 percent part in this film. Right now, as you point out, he will disappear after Jack turns pirate, at least until they meet up again. As you say, that can work as well, but then, anything can work really depending on how we present it.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Indeed we really do need to establish Edwards' character a lot more. Having just one main character really will not do; Edwards MUST be at least as important as Jack. Otherwise it'll just be a film about Jack, which is not what we want, right? We want to show more than just Jack. At least I do... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_confused.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="icon_confused.gif" />
I think we should have at least three main characters, being Jack, Edwards and the French pirate. When Edwards leaves the story, the French pirate can pretty much take his place. Then Mercer is the main bad guy in this film, with Beckett pulling the strings from his office in London.

<!--quoteo(post=249499:date=Apr 6 2008, 07:51 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Apr 6 2008, 07:51 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249499"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Maybe we should work out this scene and then begin filling in Edwards a bit more so we know what were working with and if the script should be following him once he parts company with Jack.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Good idea. We can go over everything we've got now and flesh out Edwards' character some more. I already started some work on going through the whole script again, so we've got something to start with. Any thoughts on that rewrite I posted at the top of this page?

 

[gunsmith]

Jack is going to Africa to pick up some cargo. (Beckett told him so)
He needs to get to Africa and to the village. Mercer picks up from there.
Jack wonder around while Mercer is preparing everything to catch slaves.
Chief of the village doesn't even know what are they doing there.

We have a lot of Edwards till now.
I think we're doin' fine.
And after capturing the villagers, we will have him even more in our movie.
He will be furious just like Jack.
That will give us space to put in Edwards, maybe even more than Jack.

And after Jack turning into pirate, Edwards could be the one in charge of capturing Jack.
So once in a while we will have Edwards on his ship going after Wicked Wench.

I don't know.... I think we are doing just fine.
Everything is OK, accept that begining where Beckett is giving orders to both of 'em. Jack and Edwards.
_____________________________________

 

[Old Salt]

<!--quoteo(post=249500:date=Apr 6 2008, 01:15 PM:name=Pieter Boelen)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pieter Boelen @ Apr 6 2008, 01:15 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249500"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Very true. I think Jack's orders should be to get Mercer to that village and let him handle the rest. That's all Jack really needs to know and that's all that the audience really needs to know. We might have a scene where Edwards and Jack speculate on what Mercer wants to do with the villagers and they then think that perhaps Beckett wants to establish some sort of trade there. With that in mind, Jack would try to establish contact with the chief upon arrival, leaving Mercer behind. During the ensuing conversation, Mercer starts capturing the villagers and leading them towards the ship. I think that might work, right?

I suddenly remembered another alternate thought I had quite a while ago. Their destination is not the village, but instead they're headed for a port in Africa somewhere. Jack decides to land to re-supply the ship cheaply and then meets the villagers. Then they continue their voyage to the town. There they are met with the same villagers in chains on the sea-side, waiting to be loaded onto the Wench. Of course Jack, already knowing these people previously, is not happy with this at all, but there's nothing he can do about it.
What about that thought? Not sure if it's good; it might just lengthen the story needlessly and deprive us of the "action" scene where the villagers are captured. Still I like the idea of Jack suddenly facing his villager friends in chains on the dock.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I think your on to something there, Pieter. I did think when I first started reading it that it was extending the story a bit, but I think if we use that general outline but shorten it up a bit it might work. One thing is it makes the villagers very personal to Jack, you can see why he would have such a strong reaction to their being enslaved. It might also shake up the audience a bit to see these same people that Jack was just conversing with, and who seemed happy and whatnot, in chains. And it also dials up the antagonism toward Mercer. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_twisted.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":twisted:" border="0" alt="icon_twisted.gif" />
That's just my opinion though. I think it could work.

<!--quoteo(post=249500:date=Apr 6 2008, 01:15 PM:name=Pieter Boelen)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pieter Boelen @ Apr 6 2008, 01:15 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249500"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I think we should have at least three main characters, being Jack, Edwards and the French pirate. When Edwards leaves the story, the French pirate can pretty much take his place. Then Mercer is the main bad guy in this film, with Beckett pulling the strings from his office in London.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Almost forgot about the French pirate. He would do nicely coming into the story to fill the void. I like that as well. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/me.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="me.gif" />

<!--quoteo(post=249500:date=Apr 6 2008, 01:15 PM:name=Pieter Boelen)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pieter Boelen @ Apr 6 2008, 01:15 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249500"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->We can go over everything we've got now and flesh out Edwards' character some more. I already started some work on going through the whole script again, so we've got something to start with. Any thoughts on that rewrite I posted at the top of this page?<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
If your trying to tighten it up that's good. I'd like to see more of where you are going with it. I do like that scene we worked out with Jack and Beckett and would hate to lose most of that.

<!--quoteo(post=249501:date=Apr 6 2008, 02:17 PM:name=gunsmith)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (gunsmith @ Apr 6 2008, 02:17 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249501"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Jack is going to Africa to pick up some cargo. (Beckett told him so)
He needs to get to Africa and to the village. Mercer picks up from there.
Jack wonder around while Mercer is preparing everything to catch slaves.
Chief of the village doesn't even know what are they doing there.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Well, two ways we can go with this:

1) Jack is told to get Mercer to this village to pick up some valuable cargo. While Jack meets with the chief Mercer begins rounding up the villagers and Jack is surprised by it.

2) Jack is told to bring Mercer to the village to establish trade with them to get a valuable herb or something. Then he is to proceed to a nearby Ivory Coast port to pick up some supplies and then go back to pick up Mercer. That's when he is horrified to learn that Mercer has most of the villagers in chains, or at least the young men.

I think we do have to leave our <a href="http://forum.piratesahoy.net//index.php?s=&showtopic=10925&view=findpost&p=248456" target="_blank">"turtle rock - land ho"</a> scene intact and either one of these scenarios would do that.

 

[Pieter Boelen]

Good point about the "land ho" scene. If we go with my alternate scenario, we lose that scene <i>again</i>. We can't have that.

How about Jack is told he's ordered there to establish trade, so he leaves Mercer and the EITC marines in the village and then proceeds to the port himself to pick up his return cargo, which turns out to be those very same villagers, who had been captured by Mercer in the meantime. This does make Jack seem pretty stupid though; he already IS suspicious of Mercer and leaving Mercer alone with those villagers seems like a bad idea. The good part though is that if Mercer is ashore, then Edwards might still be aboard the Wench, giving Jack and Edwards a little time without Mercer's spying eyes on them all the time, while they're sailing to the port to pick up the return cargo.

Another thing is that for Jack to emotionally connect with those villagers, there might be a need for him to stay there longer than the few hours they need to talk to the chief/Tia Dalma.

So I think the main problem here is that we can improve the story quite a lot here, as well as in earlier scenes with Edwards, but that does mean the film gets a slower start and might become longer. Still, I think we have to trust the audience to also be interested in a good story <i>without</i> having an action scene every five minutes. We'll have some good character establishing and interaction scenes early in the film and once Jack turns pirate, we make up for the lack of action scenes and adventuring of the beginning of the film.

Indeed there's some good stuff in Jack's briefing scene and we can't afford to lose it all. However, I think we should try to move as much of the information to Edwards' briefing and only keep the important/good stuff between Jack and Beckett. Also the scene between Jack and Beckett might just take place on the dock where the Wench is moored; no need going all the way back to Beckett's office. We'd already seen that before in the Edwards briefing scene and otherwise it just seems like we're repeating things.

 

[Old Salt]

<!--quoteo(post=249525:date=Apr 6 2008, 02:29 PM:name=Pieter Boelen)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pieter Boelen @ Apr 6 2008, 02:29 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249525"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->So I think the main problem here is that we can improve the story quite a lot here, as well as in earlier scenes with Edwards, but that does mean the film gets a slower start and might become longer. Still, I think we have to trust the audience to also be interested in a good story <i>without</i> having an action scene every five minutes. We'll have some good character establishing and interaction scenes early in the film and once Jack turns pirate, we make up for the lack of action scenes and adventuring of the beginning of the film.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I don't think there is any way around that (a slower start) and having this scene work. We have to establish a connection with the villagers not only with Jack but also with the audience (through Jack) so that when you see them later in chains it has an impact.
I also like the time alone this scenario affords Jack and Edwards without Mercer hanging around. Although it would seem foolish for Jack to leave Mercer and EITC marines in the village if he doesn't trust his intentions, he is, after all, under orders to do just that. Which helps later explain how he comes to feel that working for Beckett is not what he should be doing. And Mercer will give no indication that this is about to happen, he will be all business so maybe Jack is satisfied enough that the villagers aren't the real target.
So we have the <a href="http://forum.piratesahoy.net//index.php?s=&showtopic=10925&view=findpost&p=248456" target="_blank">"Land ho"</a> scene. Jack's George Washington moment on the shore scene? The village. Jack leaving for the port (possible Edwards conversation out of Mercer earshot on the Wench) and then returning to the village scene and Jack's conversion.

<!--quoteo(post=249525:date=Apr 6 2008, 02:29 PM:name=Pieter Boelen)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Pieter Boelen @ Apr 6 2008, 02:29 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249525"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Indeed there's some good stuff in Jack's briefing scene and we can't afford to lose it all. However, I think we should try to move as much of the information to Edwards' briefing and only keep the important/good stuff between Jack and Beckett. Also the scene between Jack and Beckett might just take place on the dock where the Wench is moored; no need going all the way back to Beckett's office. We'd already seen that before in the Edwards briefing scene and otherwise it just seems like we're repeating things.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
As Jack would say, "That's interesting." I think that's a good idea, having Beckett come out on the dock to meet Jack. It would shorten the scene up a bit and wouldn't be repetitive. So we would have to lengthen Edwards briefing a bit. But there is a lot of good back and forth between Jack and Beckett that I'd love to keep in. But I do think getting Beckett out onto the dock after meeting Edwards is a good start.

 

[gunsmith]

Hmmm...

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Indeed there's some good stuff in Jack's briefing scene and we can't afford to lose it all. However, I think we should try to move as much of the information to Edwards' briefing and only keep the important/good stuff between Jack and Beckett. Also the scene between Jack and Beckett might just take place on the dock where the Wench is moored; no need going all the way back to Beckett's office. We'd already seen that before in the Edwards briefing scene and otherwise it just seems like we're repeating things.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

I agree.

About Africa,
I'd just go for the one where Jack need's to ''pick up cargo'' for Beckett.
So while he is in the hut with Tia Dalma, Mercer starts capturing villagers.
Jack would ask Tia: ''So where is our cargo?'' and Tia replys:''What cargo?'',
and than we hear scremas, gunshooting, etc.
Jack is confused but he goes along with it.

I think this is the way we should do it. It is simple and good.
Although, that other one is good too.

BTW
Remember that Jack-Edwards freedom speach?
We could use it when Jack is freeing villagers.

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->NATHANIEL
(Continuing with
his sextant)
Ah, the sea; always changing,
<b>never contained.</b><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->JACK
That, my friend is the definition
of freedom. I am a man of the
sea...of freedom.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

 

[Old Salt]

<!--quoteo(post=249567:date=Apr 7 2008, 03:14 AM:name=gunsmith)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (gunsmith @ Apr 7 2008, 03:14 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249567"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I think this is the way we should do it. It is simple and good.
Although, that other one is good too.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Therein lies the paradox. They are both good. Perhaps scenes written out with both scenarios will help us decide the better version.

<!--quoteo(post=249567:date=Apr 7 2008, 03:14 AM:name=gunsmith)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (gunsmith @ Apr 7 2008, 03:14 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249567"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->BTW
Remember that Jack-Edwards freedom speach?
We could use it when Jack is freeing villagers.

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->NATHANIEL
(Continuing with
his sextant)
Ah, the sea; always changing,
<b>never contained.</b><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->JACK
That, my friend is the definition
of freedom. I am a man of the
sea...of freedom.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Interesting.

 

[gunsmith]

<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Therein lies the paradox. They are both good. Perhaps scenes written out with both scenarios will help us decide the better version.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

I agree.

 

[DAS123]

Well, i see we are getting somewhere. I have to admit, i havent given this scene much thought... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="sad.gif" /> But still, i will say that the Edwards-Sparrow freedom talk NEEDS to be on the Pearl at the night scene after my destroyed pirate ship scene. Or else that scene has no meaning. I cannot agree with rearranging that speech. However, i think we can make a different format of the same speech, this time Jack is the one talking more of the sea and freedom. Shows that Jack is hatching an idea in his mind, I also think we must show that Jack is hesitant to become a pirate. Jack is not stupid, he understands the consequences of his actions, while in later movies he is more free because he is a master pirate, nearly always able to escape from any situation, now however, he hasnt had that experience he cannot act the same as he does in later movies...

As I have stated before, we must use the scene-shuffling sparingly because i have a difficult time with moving the ENTIRE scene forward or behind the other due to limitations in the software. So please be careful. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" />

Pieter and Old Salt, to address your problem with the double briefing, we need to mix things up a bit. Let me work with it a little and i will see what i can come up with, okay?

And everyone, i have been thinking about this lately. I have recently seen Gladiator, a film that has my highest admiration, (And Pieter guess who does that AMAZING music? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="icon_wink.gif" /> ), It has this WONDERFUL opening scene, it is very poetic, a hand going through a wheat field. This is a minor tweak I am suggesting, we should start with something poetic like that, it suggests something completely different from the regular POTC film. Also I think we should keep the characters in the dark, the ones we know that is, Beckett and Mercer. We should just use their voices. So the audience is kept wondering "Who is that? I have heard that voice before,". Just for the first few minutes of the film.

Also, i think i ought to bring this up, because it is SUCH a great idea. Everyone remembers the music from the beginning of DMC, where the EITC is landing? I dont remember who suggested it, but that song is perfect to show Beckett's fleet prepping for war, and for sailing off. I have no clue what page it is on, i would GREATLY appreciate it if someone could help. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" />

 

[Old Salt]

<!--quoteo(post=249626:date=Apr 7 2008, 05:35 PM:name=Mercer)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Mercer @ Apr 7 2008, 05:35 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249626"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Well, i see we are getting somewhere. I have to admit, i havent given this scene much thought... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="sad.gif" /> But still, i will say that the Edwards-Sparrow freedom talk NEEDS to be on the Pearl at the night scene after my destroyed pirate ship scene. Or else that scene has no meaning. I cannot agree with rearranging that speech. However, i think we can make a different format of the same speech, this time Jack is the one talking more of the sea and freedom. Shows that Jack is hatching an idea in his mind, I also think we must show that Jack is hesitant to become a pirate. Jack is not stupid, he understands the consequences of his actions, while in later movies he is more free because he is a master pirate, nearly always able to escape from any situation, now however, he hasnt had that experience he cannot act the same as he does in later movies...<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Well, this scene is where Jack decides to turn pirate (after Mercer rounds up the natives that is) and so I guess he can seem to be a little hesitant and maybe is just talking out loud with Edwards at this point. After they come back to the village though I think his mind is made up.

<!--quoteo(post=249626:date=Apr 7 2008, 05:35 PM:name=Mercer)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Mercer @ Apr 7 2008, 05:35 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249626"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Pieter and Old Salt, to address your problem with the double briefing, we need to mix things up a bit. Let me work with it a little and i will see what i can come up with, okay?<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Sure, as I said before there is a lot of good wordplay between Jack and Beckett and I don't want to lose any of it. But having Mercer brief Edwards in his office and then encounter Jack on the docks might work.
<!--quoteo(post=249626:date=Apr 7 2008, 05:35 PM:name=Mercer)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Mercer @ Apr 7 2008, 05:35 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249626"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->And everyone, i have been thinking about this lately. I have recently seen Gladiator, a film that has my highest admiration, (And Pieter guess who does that AMAZING music? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="icon_wink.gif" /> ), It has this WONDERFUL opening scene, it is very poetic, a hand going through a wheat field. This is a minor tweak I am suggesting, we should start with something poetic like that, it suggests something completely different from the regular POTC film. Also I think we should keep the characters in the dark, the ones we know that is, Beckett and Mercer. We should just use their voices. So the audience is kept wondering "Who is that? I have heard that voice before,". Just for the first few minutes of the film.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Let's see what you have in mind.

<!--quoteo(post=249626:date=Apr 7 2008, 05:35 PM:name=Mercer)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Mercer @ Apr 7 2008, 05:35 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249626"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Also, i think i ought to bring this up, because it is SUCH a great idea. Everyone remembers the music from the beginning of DMC, where the EITC is landing? I dont remember who suggested it, but that song is perfect to show Beckett's fleet prepping for war, and for sailing off. I have no clue what page it is on, i would GREATLY appreciate it if someone could help. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I think that might be in the beginning of the music thread, Mercer. Though around page 44 of this thread is when we decided to create the music thread so if might be somewhere around there. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_confused.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="icon_confused.gif" />

 

[Pieter Boelen]

<!--quoteo(post=249545:date=Apr 6 2008, 11:03 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Apr 6 2008, 11:03 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249545"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I don't think there is any way around that (a slower start) and having this scene work. We have to establish a connection with the villagers not only with Jack but also with the audience (through Jack) so that when you see them later in chains it has an impact.
I also like the time alone this scenario affords Jack and Edwards without Mercer hanging around. Although it would seem foolish for Jack to leave Mercer and EITC marines in the village if he doesn't trust his intentions, he is, after all, under orders to do just that. Which helps later explain how he comes to feel that working for Beckett is not what he should be doing. And Mercer will give no indication that this is about to happen, he will be all business so maybe Jack is satisfied enough that the villagers aren't the real target.
So we have the <a href="http://forum.piratesahoy.net//index.php?s=&showtopic=10925&view=findpost&p=248456" target="_blank">"Land ho"</a> scene. Jack's George Washington moment on the shore scene? The village. Jack leaving for the port (possible Edwards conversation out of Mercer earshot on the Wench) and then returning to the village scene and Jack's conversion.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->I agree. Though I wouldn't have Jack return to the village. Instead I would have Jack sail to port and wait there for his next cargo, which turns out to be the villagers. Or perhaps the villagers are already waiting there; perhaps the journey is quicker by land. Though that isn't really very likely.

I think here are the pro's to directly capturing the villagers the first time:
- We get an action scene early on
- The story moves quicker

Then here the pro's for staying longer at the village, then collecting the villagers from port:
- Jack and the audience gets some emotional bond with the villagers
- Edwards and Jack get some time alone

I suppose we'll need to choose whether we prefer the movie's story to play out quicker or develop the characters' relationships more.

While we're at it, I came up with Beckett's possible intentions. He wants Tia Dalma, but doesn't want anyone to know she's important. Therefore he has Mercer collect all the people of her village as slaves. This makes the capture of Tia Dalma quite inconspicuous. Also he has a captain who is always late on shipments, but who also personally owns the fastest ship he knows. He does want to lose the captain, but doesn't want to lose the ship. But he also knows that only Jack knows how to coax the speed out of her. So he gives Jack a "second chance" by having him transport Mercer and the EITC marines to Tia Dalma's village and he puts Edwards onboard so that he can find out how Jack runs his ship so fast. Since Mercer and the EITC marines are aboard, Jack will not dare to do anything against it. If Jack doesn't do what he wants, Mercer and the EITC soldiers will kill him. If Jack does do what he wants, he'll replace Jack with Edwards as captain upon arrival anyway. So Beckett manages three things at once: He gets the Wench, gets rid of Jack AND gets Tia Dalma. Does that make sense?

<!--quoteo(post=249545:date=Apr 6 2008, 11:03 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Apr 6 2008, 11:03 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249545"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->As Jack would say, "That's interesting." I think that's a good idea, having Beckett come out on the dock to meet Jack. It would shorten the scene up a bit and wouldn't be repetitive. So we would have to lengthen Edwards briefing a bit. But there is a lot of good back and forth between Jack and Beckett that I'd love to keep in. But I do think getting Beckett out onto the dock after meeting Edwards is a good start.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Yes, there is a lot that we need to keep. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="yes.gif" />

<!--quoteo(post=249626:date=Apr 8 2008, 12:35 AM:name=Mercer)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Mercer @ Apr 8 2008, 12:35 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249626"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Well, i see we are getting somewhere. I have to admit, i havent given this scene much thought... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="sad.gif" /> But still, i will say that the Edwards-Sparrow freedom talk NEEDS to be on the Pearl at the night scene after my destroyed pirate ship scene. Or else that scene has no meaning. I cannot agree with rearranging that speech.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->In the script we have now, that speech is actually <i>before</i> the destroyed pirate ship scene. I think it makes more sense having it after and apparently you agree. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_mrgreen1.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="icon_mrgreen1.gif" />
Indeed I do think we need to have a scene there. But if we go with the idea I proposed previously, that allows some time alone with Jack and Edwards without Mercer, so there will probably be another conversation between the two of them then. We'll have to decide what goes where. I think the second conversation should be more friendly-like, but also hint at Jack's reluctance to go through with his task, as well as Edwards' opinion on the whole thing.

<!--quoteo(post=249626:date=Apr 8 2008, 12:35 AM:name=Mercer)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Mercer @ Apr 8 2008, 12:35 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249626"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Shows that Jack is hatching an idea in his mind, I also think we must show that Jack is hesitant to become a pirate. Jack is not stupid, he understands the consequences of his actions, while in later movies he is more free because he is a master pirate, nearly always able to escape from any situation, now however, he hasnt had that experience he cannot act the same as he does in later movies...<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Very much agreed. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/me.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="me.gif" />

<!--quoteo(post=249626:date=Apr 8 2008, 12:35 AM:name=Mercer)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Mercer @ Apr 8 2008, 12:35 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249626"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->As I have stated before, we must use the scene-shuffling sparingly because i have a difficult time with moving the ENTIRE scene forward or behind the other due to limitations in the software. So please be careful. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="smile.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->That doesn't really work very well for our creativity, does it? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_confused.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="icon_confused.gif" />
Perhaps we can first write the script in a regular program like Notepad and put it in your scriptwriting program once it's pretty much finalized?

<!--quoteo(post=249626:date=Apr 8 2008, 12:35 AM:name=Mercer)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Mercer @ Apr 8 2008, 12:35 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249626"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->AAnd everyone, i have been thinking about this lately. I have recently seen Gladiator, a film that has my highest admiration, (And Pieter guess who does that AMAZING music? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="icon_wink.gif" /> ), It has this WONDERFUL opening scene, it is very poetic, a hand going through a wheat field. This is a minor tweak I am suggesting, we should start with something poetic like that, it suggests something completely different from the regular POTC film. Also I think we should keep the characters in the dark, the ones we know that is, Beckett and Mercer. We should just use their voices. So the audience is kept wondering "Who is that? I have heard that voice before,". Just for the first few minutes of the film.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->We aready do start out with a wheat field. Actually I was rather worried that it might look <i>too</i> much like Gladiator when I came up with that. But I think it should work. Keeping the characters in shades would be interesting. Edwards can just be a shape in the carriage and in my rewrite of the opening scenes at the top of the page, Mercer is also a shadowy figure. Then Edwards' briefing takes place on the cliffs of Dover in the rising sun, so it would also be really easy to keep the characters in the shades there. Not in Beckett's office though. But perhaps the Edwards briefing scene in the office can take place after Jack's arrival. Or we can skip the office. Interesting thought anyway.

I don't have to guess who wrote the music for Gladiator. I know. There's some good stuff there to be sure. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="yes.gif" />

<!--quoteo(post=249637:date=Apr 8 2008, 03:37 AM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Apr 8 2008, 03:37 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=249637"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Well, this scene is where Jack decides to turn pirate (after Mercer rounds up the natives that is) and so I guess he can seem to be a little hesitant and maybe is just talking out loud with Edwards at this point. After they come back to the village though I think his mind is made up.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->Does he decide there or later? I thought that was what started his doubt about the mission, but he only <i>really</i> decided to do it when the French pirate later gives him a lucrative offer. After all, turning pirate is not a very wise thing to do and Jack knows that. Turning pirate and immediately go off and find a treasure with a more experienced pirate who is in your debt, that sounds a lot better, doesn't it? Not to mention it enables Jack to split the EITC representatives and soldiers over the two ships, therefore weaking their strength and making it easier to take them captive.

 

[Thomas the Terror]

I agree with the last one, I think they should encounter the french pirate ship with mercer and edwards still in there position. When they board the marines are divided over the ships then. Jack encounters the captain, and duels with him. Jack wins in Jack style and lets the captain live. The captain does the proposal and Jack thinks this is my chance. On that moment he turns pirate and capture Mercer and Edwards.