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Joke thread

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<b>ITALIAN Women Are TOUGH!</b>

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed.

While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs to his death-bed.

He gathered what was left of his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Gripping the railing with both weak & trembling hands, he crawled slowly downstairs toward the beautiful aroma.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.

Was he in heaven on earth?

Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a very happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth.

With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked on the knuckles with a wooden spoon by his wife of 60 years.

'Hands off!' she said. 'Those are for your funeral.'
 
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A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was being given a hand job by a nurse's aide.

'Oh my God!' said the woman.

'That's disgraceful!' The doctor leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his prostrate rapidly fills with semen, and if it isn't emptied at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles might rupture.

Oh, well, that's reasonable, then,' said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Shocked, the woman said, 'Oh my GOD! That's truly disgraceful! How can THAT be justified?' Again, calmly, the doctor replied, 'Same illness, better health plan.
 
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