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Joke thread

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/2.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later."

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said, "I understand completely."

The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either !"
 
<a href="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/security.jpg" target="_blank">http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/security.jpg</a>
 
<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/security.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."
 
Once upon a time there was a blonde. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheepherder over. "That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder.

"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman.

"Sure.", said the sheep herder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"
 
londoner pulls up at a northern farmshop. He notices there are a few odd things on sale; pills, drugs, bandages, cod liver oil. He asks the farmer; why do you have all this stuff on sale? Farmer replies in a broad northern accent;Aye Well I'm a farmer, see.'


Another crappy country joke;


Magic tractor drives down the road; it turns into a field.


And while im at it...


the farmer's widow hires a new boy to help out on the farm. He works hard and well, but after a night out, he comes back at 1 in the morning and she asks him into her room. 'Please start by removing my blouse' he does so. 'Now take off my skirt. Reluctantly, he does so.' Now please remove my knickers.' He does so, now almost in tears. She then says' Now, If I ever catch you wearing my clothes ever again you will be immedietly sacked, understood?'
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoon-1.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/george4.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/funny_cartoons-silver_surfers.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Now their probably wondering that "WTF is a floppy disk?". <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
A man came home from work to find his partner with her bags packed and standing outside the house.

"What's this?" he asked her.

"I'm leaving you" she said.

"Why?" he asked, looking sad.

"I heard you are a paedophile" she answered him.

"Wow, that's an awfully big word for a 10-year old."
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/shortstory.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/gspz0109.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/huh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":huh" border="0" alt="huh.gif" /> ?
 
When pumpkins drink to much.

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/Whenpumpkinsdrink.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

“When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she’s ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn’t care what time I came home.”

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she’s ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he’s home so late.

“Hey, why aren’t you sleeping?” he asks.

“I was was, but I came in to tell you that we’ve got to sleep on the couch tonight, ’cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom.”
 
<img src="http://mtblog.newyorker.com/online__cartoonlounge/images/2008/06/26/pbf133love_lizard.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
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