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Joke thread

<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
Should have read it, Morgan, it was funny. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":yes" border="0" alt="yes.gif" />
 
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating . . . then finish off as an orgasm
 
<!--quoteo(post=274305:date=Aug 20 2008, 05:11 AM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Aug 20 2008, 05:11 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=274305"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Should have read it, Morgan, it was funny. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":yes" border="0" alt="yes.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

What was funny? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /> Morgan getting to know that I have read a big block of texts? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
Why confused? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rolleyes:" border="0" alt="rolleyes.gif" />
 
Rules Guys wished Girls knew...

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are preparedto discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation,and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like ever other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of thetides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/rolledupnewspaper.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/bowling.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/cobra.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/chickenchoking.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
^^^And that's no joke!!! <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wacko.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":wacko:" border="0" alt="wacko.gif" />

Allright, so...a fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the
Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping
to find water he hurried toward the object only to find a little old
Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, 'Don't you have water?'

The Jewish man replied, 'I have no water. But, if would you like to buy a tie, I have ties, and they are very nice ties. And they are only $25.

The Taliban shouted, 'Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need
water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!'


''Okay" said the old Jewish man, "it does not matter that you do not want to
buy a tie and that you hate me, but I will show you that I am bigger than
that....if you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you
will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need...Shalom."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead...

"Your Infidel brother won't let me in the restaurant without a goddamn tie!"
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/Gingerbread.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents
 
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.

FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!

So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."

The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" /> poor freakin 'gator...had to put up with pepper tequila breath... <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/8q.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":8q" border="0" alt="8q.gif" /> <img src="http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a144/b4lazarus/barfing.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/pooping.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
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