• New Horizons on Maelstrom
    Maelstrom New Horizons


    Visit our website www.piratehorizons.com to quickly find download links for the newest versions of our New Horizons mods Beyond New Horizons and Maelstrom New Horizons!

Joke thread

don't be too sure. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=";)" border="0" alt="icon_wink.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/elves.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/xmas02.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/hung.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/reindeer-1.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
That probably explains this:
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Tradition has it that Father Christmas travels by sleigh, but it seems even he is not exempt from the diktats of the health and safety police.

They have told one Santa that he must be strapped into a full body harness in case he falls out of his sleigh as it is towed by a Land Rover at the gentle speed of five miles an hour.

Meanwhile, another has been forced to abandon his sleigh altogether, and travel on a rather less magical bus.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/11/30/nxmas130.xml" target="_blank">http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml...30/nxmas130.xml</a>
 
I swear I saw a great one with a picture of lions resting in the shadow of an airplane here. Has it gone?
 
here's something funny. it happened to me today while sorting out my room. i had put stuff that was to be sold in a big cardboard box. then, it was supposed to go to the attic, which i tried to do myself. well, to start off, the thing was bloody heavy, and the stairs to the attic are a 50 degree angle upwards. to make matters worse, it's a narrow spiral staircase with a small diameter. in fact, almost the width of the box. as the box was so heavy, i lifted it up step by step. now, the problem was, the box kept getting stuck under the rail, and it's pretty scary trying to lift a box up with could lurch upwards at any moment sending you down the stairs, as you can't hold on to anything. the vision of being buried in my own stuff wasn't very appealing. halfway up, i noticed that a clothing rack was blocking the stairs at the very top, and the steps where too narrow to place the box there permanently. so, after a few anxious moments just hanging there at an alarming angle, i wen't back down with the box accompanied by more trouble. back up, put the rack away, lifted and cursed my way back up the stairs with the box, and plunked it there. now, it had to be put in a little room with lots of junk in it, where it didn't fit. therefor, i had to take all kinds of stuff out of the room first, which didn't fit in the little hallway. so, it was up and down the stairs again with the stuff from the room. box in the room, all the stuff back up the stairs, in the room, and on the box. then, back in my room, i found a puzzle piece from a puzzle in the box. right. back up, stuff down, box open, stuff out of back, puzzle piece back in it's box, closed box, stuff back up, back down. i'd dare not think of the fact that the box has to come back down again next month.
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/xmas05.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/slide.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/c7.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
A blond gets a new pc. Next day, she goes to work and her head is all covered by bandages. So her colleeges ask her : "What happened to you???" and she answers "I got my new pc right, and well, i tried to "enter" in Internet":D
 
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
 
In the fourth year they don't speak at all? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rolleyes:" border="0" alt="rolleyes.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/naughtymistletoe.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=224589:date=Dec 6 2007, 05:40 AM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Old Salt @ Dec 6 2007, 05:40 AM) [snapback]224589[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/slide.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />

Not very pleasant moment when he ..erhm ..gets his ass into the tub <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" /> ..it's not very pleasant moment for that other guy too because he has to breath S**T literally when that collision happens. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sick.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":eww" border="0" alt="sick.gif" />
 
<!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro-->STUD ROOSTER<!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/youngrooster.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

"OK old fart, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me.
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says,
"Beat it: You are washed up
and I am taking over."
The old rooster says,
"I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs.
"You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start."

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/youngroosterjogging.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/youngroosterrunning.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squalking
and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/farmerandrooster.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />"Dammit.....
third gay rooster I bought this month."

Moral of this story? ...

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery
always overcome youth and arrogance!
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/xmas11.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
staring at him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.....I'm 7 feet
tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh
3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
"Turn around".
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top