• New Horizons on Maelstrom
    Maelstrom New Horizons


    Visit our website www.piratehorizons.com to quickly find download links for the newest versions of our New Horizons mods Beyond New Horizons and Maelstrom New Horizons!

Joke thread

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/indianmoon.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0525.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/yother.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz1027.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0418.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0701.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rode in the bottom deck of the bus and the blonde team rode on the top level. The brunette team down below was whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realized she didn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. The brunette asked, "What is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the blondes said, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0109.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz1217.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0107.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her embarrassment she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The guy smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we were friends."
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/dragon.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0812.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0509.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,
Pop! What are you doin'?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that
gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/sb13.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Plenty of material courtesy of the Perry Bible Fellowship:
<a href="http://pbfcomics.com/" target="_blank">http://pbfcomics.com/</a>

I'm not posting any cos there might be kids surfing here for all I know.
 
A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon trail when he was captured by a group of ruthless banditos, intent on killing him. But in their drunkenness, they decided to go easy on him and grant him three requests. For his first, he asked for his horse. He whispered something to his horse, who then rode off and returned with a beautiful woman, with whom the cowboy spent the night. The same thing happened the second day. But when the horse returned on the third day with another woman, the cowboy lost his temper and yelled "You stupid horse! I said POSSE!"
 
Haven't I seen that joke before? Only with Indians instead of bandits? I thought it was in this thread. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="unsure.gif" />
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top