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Quick links for Beyond New Horizons
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Quick links for Maelstrom
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Quick links for PotC: New Horizons
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A Pirate Podcast with Interviews
Music, Comedy and all things Pirate!
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Joke thread
- Thread starter Old Salt
- Start date
Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation.
Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for. Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting. Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed. He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck'em dry!"
The policeman fainted.
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="24.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="24.gif" /> That was the best one yet!
A mother is driving her 7-year-old daughter to her friend's house for a play date when the little girl asks, "Mommy,how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age." the mother replies sweetly. "It's not polite."
OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, a bit less sweetly. "Those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That's enough questions, young lady, honestly!" mom says as her daughter is getting out of the car.
The exasperated mother drives away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about herself," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly,
"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
Now mom's getting mad. She says, "Oh really? And just why is that, young lady?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
you already did that one.
One day a man named Bob was playing a round of golf with the Pope. On the first hole, Bob hits the ball into a sand trap, Damn, I missed. says Bob. The Pope says, you should not say that it is bad.
Later on in the day on the ninth hole Bob hits the ball into the water. Damn, I missed. says Bob again. The Pope says, Do not say that, next time you do, God will strike you down with a lightning bolt.
Close to the end of the day on the last hole, Bob hits it an inch short of the hole. Damn, I missed. says Bob once again. The Pope looks into the sky as the clouds start to split apart. Then a lightning bolt comes down from heaven, striking and killing the Pope. God's voice echoes, Damn, I missed.
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;"
And *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he ask
"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.
"No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
If you laugh, you're going straight to hell!
I'll see ya there!!!!
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/seagull.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.
The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos. Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.
The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips. Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny.
Look how much faster the bird walks on his way out -
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