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Joke thread

<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" /> good ones, Meigger and Old Salt!
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gibtoon17.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Two Scottish golfers are just about to putt out on the 16th green, which is adjacent to a road, when suddenly a funeral procession passes by.

As the hearse draws near, one of the golfers Mr. McTavish, interrupts his putting, takes off his hat and bows to the procession.

His partner says, "That was really gentlemanly of you - paying your respects like that!"

McTavish replies, "Well, she was my wife for 25 years."
 
<i>That was good, Meigger.</i> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/me.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":onya" border="0" alt="me.gif" />


<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0621.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/pic11323.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<i>At least he's honest.</i> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />


<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz1103.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
I showed you latest post to the wife and asked her if that reminded her of anyone. We will skip what happen next. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />

<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/untitled12.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.

At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.

"I`ve been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.

"Well," said the older physician, "you`ve probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don`t you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."

As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.

"You didn`t even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.

"I didn`t have to," the elder physician explain. "You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been making her ill."

"That`s pretty sneaky," commented the younger doctor. "Do you mind if I try it at the next house?"

"I don`t suppose it could hurt anything," the elder physician replied.

At the next house, the two doctors visited with a well preserved lonely widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After several minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been feeling lately.

"I`ve felt terribly run down and spent lately," the widow replied. "I just don`t have as much energy as I used to."

"You`ve probably been doing too much for the church," the younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient. "Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps." The widow just nodded in agreement..

As they left, the elder physician said, "Your diagnosis is probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to that conclusion?"

"Sure," replied the younger doctor. "Just like you, I dropped my stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I looked around and saw the preacher hiding under her bed!"
 
<i>That was good, Lazarus. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/me.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":onya" border="0" alt="me.gif" />
Meigger, the frog eaters will like Rule#6. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /> </i>

<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0930.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
You are correct Salty. I thought of them when I read rule 6. First food fights, now organ fights. What's next?

The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, then bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note, "Regret can not remember which one is you. Please keep you photograph and return the others to me."
 
<i>I've heard that one before told in a slightly different variation, the girl was much more arrogant about rubbing it in the guy's face that she had found a new boyfriend. That is the ultimate comeback though.</i> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/me.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":onya" border="0" alt="me.gif" />


A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his
speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly
sent the money for the fine.
 
A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the day's activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear. In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and says, "Darn, some rectum has my pen."
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sick.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":eww" border="0" alt="sick.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />


"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the employee replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
 
<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/untitled26.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz1129.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/DrinkingWine_deb.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cave2.JPG.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Two cannibals are eating their dinner and one cannibal says to the other, "I don't like my mother-in-law much."

The other cannibal replies, "Well, just eat your chips then!"
 
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.
As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be
cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the
longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.
It has to be saved for posterity."

With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's
schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.

The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to
show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"
 
<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/HOT.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />

Salty, found you another mouse. <img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/thani-mouse-1-1.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
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