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Wacky News Stories

<b><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Viagra orgy man collapses<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b>
<b>A SEX-MAD Russian died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra </b>pills to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two women pals.

The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov £3,000 that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy them both non-stop for the half-day sex marathon. But minutes after winning the wager, the randy 28-year-old dropped dead with a heart attack, revealed Moscow police. One of the women, named only as Alina, said: “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do.”
 
Michael Reed, 50, was charged with attempted robbery of Eddie's Fried Chicken in Fort Worth, Texas, in December. He was armed only with a tree branch and was quickly neutralized by a 56-year-old employee, who grabbed a broom, and the men proceeded to duel until Reed dropped his branch and fled (but was arrested nearby). [Dallas Morning News, 12-19-08]
 
<!--quoteo(post=303559:date=Feb 26 2009, 09:21 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Feb 26 2009, 09:21 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=303559"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Died from too much sex. Not a bad way to go.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

I know a Russian named Dukov that had the same arrangment with two women...he however lost his head, not his heart.
 
<i>From dying from too much sex...to sex with the dead</i>...<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/328_skull.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":328_skull:" border="0" alt="328_skull.gif" />

<b><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Deters: 'This is off-the-charts weird'<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b>

<!--sizeo:2--><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><b>Prosecutor certain convict abused more than three corpses</b><!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->

By Kimball Perry
kperry@enquirer.com

On many nights over 16 years, Kenneth Douglas engaged in his own personal macabre workplace party.

He often brought drugs or alcohol to work and sometimes had sex with women.

At least three of those women were dead, Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters said Thursday.

But if Douglas is to be believed, he could have had sex with as many as "over a hundred" bodies in the 16 years he worked as night attendant at the Hamilton County morgue.

"I am sure there are more (victims). I'm certain of it," Deters said Thursday in announcing new indictments against Douglas.

"This guy's just a pig. I can't explain why someone would do something like this. ... This is off-the-charts weird."

Douglas, 55, of Westwood, already is serving a prison sentence after he pleaded guilty last year to abuse of a corpse. He admitted he had sex with the nearly beheaded body of 19-year-old murder victim Karen Range in 1982.

Thursday, Douglas was indicted on two more counts of abuse of a corpse after DNA evidence, Deters said, showed Douglas' semen was in the bodies of two women who were killed in 1991 and stored at the morgue awaiting autopsies:

Charlene Edwards, also known as Charlene Apling, who was six months pregnant.

She was strangled to death Oct. 1, 1991, by Mark Chambers, now 47, in Chambers' Avondale home. Chambers originally was charged with murder but accepted a plea bargain and was convicted of voluntary manslaughter and sent to prison for 10-25 years. He was paroled in 2000.

Angel Hicks, 24, of Westwood.

Tyrone Williams, 59, was charged with murder in the December 1991 death of Hicks. He was acquitted months later at trial. There was a question whether Hicks was killed or committed suicide.

Deters said he was stunned by so many aspects of the case: sex with a corpse, sex with violently mutilated or damaged bodies, sex with dozens of bodies.

"Frankly, it's frightening. His numbers when he's (talked to authorities) go from one to three or four to 'a lot' to maybe over a hundred," Deters said, quoting Douglas. "I think it's fair to speculate that he's been doing this all the time, when he's able and had the opportunity."

After Douglas admitted abusing Range's corpse last year, prosecutors said they suspected there were other victims. They called area law enforcement agencies asking for cases to investigate.

That evidence was mostly vaginal swabs taken from the bodies during autopsies.

Officials came up with 15 cases they believe could have involved Douglas. DNA could be found on 12 of them. Of those, two showed the semen belonged to Douglas.

"We'll never know" how many victims there are, Deters said, "because (Douglas) doesn't know. We probably won't (ever) know the scope of his abuse."

"It doesn't surprise me there are other victims. What's surprising is we were able to demonstrate it," Deters said. Eighteen years ago DNA was in its infancy as an investigative tool.

Deters' office contacted the family members of Edwards and Hicks to tell them of the new accusations against Douglas.

"It's fair to say they were devastated by this news," Deters said. "I feel badly for the families who are never going to know."

Douglas, Deters added, told officials he remembered having sex with Range but didn't recall Edwards or Hicks.

"No one ever saw this man do anything," Deters said.

The closest, he believes, was an incident in which an assistant coroner tried to get into a room with bodies and found it locked. A few minutes after the doctor knocked, Deters said, "Douglas walked out."

Deters supports a pending bill that increases the crime of abuse of a corpse - specifically having sex with a corpse - from one year in prison to five years in prison.

The crime at the time of the alleged 1991 incidents called for a maximum prison sentence of 18 months. That means the charges filed against Douglas on Thursday carry a maximum prison sentence of three years.

Douglas was caught when he violated his probation on a previous conviction, and his DNA was taken by officials and placed in a database. The database showed Douglas' DNA matched that of the semen left in Range's body.

"I hope," Deters said, "I never see anybody like Kenneth Douglas again."
 
some old yet funny news:

All 11 members of a football team were killed by a bolt of lightning which left the other team unhurt, a Congolese newspaper has reported.
Thirty other people received burns at the match in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

Kinshasa daily newspaper L'Avenir said local opinion - known to believe in charms and spells - was divided over whether someone had cursed the team.

The two sides were drawing 1-1 in the match in eastern Kasai Province when the lightning struck the visiting team.

"The athletes from [the home team] Basanga curiously came out of this catastrophe unscathed," the paper said.


There was no official confirmation of the report - a rebel war affects much of the east of the country.

The first strike

In a similar incident at the weekend, a premier league soccer match in Johannesburg was brought to an abrupt end when lightning struck the ground.

Half the players from both teams - the Jomo Cosmos and the Moroka Swallows - dropped to the turf.

Several writhed on the grass holding their ears and their eyes. Spectators and coaching staff ran onto the pitch to help. Fortunately no-one was killed.
 
Yet another reason not to play with balls. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tongue.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":blah:" border="0" alt="tongue.gif" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=304047:date=Mar 1 2009, 12:59 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Mar 1 2009, 12:59 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=304047"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->11 people killed by one bolt? Call Guinness.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
And don't forget the 30 others who were burned.

<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/764.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":764:" border="0" alt="764.gif" />
 
The $500,000 top prize in Alaska's January statewide lottery, to benefit the organization Standing Together Against Rape, for victims of sexual assault, was won by Alec Ahsoak, 53, who coincidentally is a twice-convicted sex offender. [Anchorage Daily News, 1-11-09]
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rolleyes:" border="0" alt="rolleyes.gif" /> Wonder if there is some caveat that would keep him from getting the prize.
 
<!--quoteo(post=304229:date=Mar 2 2009, 01:11 PM:name=Meigger)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Meigger @ Mar 2 2009, 01:11 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=304229"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/rolleyes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rolleyes:" border="0" alt="rolleyes.gif" /> Wonder if there is some caveat that would keep him from getting the prize.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
he won fair and square
 
<b><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Man allegedly steals ambulance that came to crash<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b>
Feb 27, 9:02 PM (ET)

WILLOW CREEK, Calif. (AP) - A man was arrested for allegedly stealing an ambulance that arrived to help him after a car crash. The California Highway Patrol said a 20-year-old man drove his Honda Accord off State Route 299 and over an embankment into several trees Thursday night.

When emergency personnel arrived, he refused treatment. Instead he hopped into the ambulance and sped away.

CHP officers and Humboldt County deputies gave chase and managed to disable the ambulance by laying spikes on the road.

The man was booked into jail on suspicion of evading a police officer, stealing an emergency vehicle and <b>driving under the influence of a controlled substance</b>.

<i>Go figure??</i>
 
Double post, but too good to ignore..

<b><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Actual 'Letter to the Editor' from the February 6th edition of the Wichita Falls, Texas Times Record<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b>

Dear IRS,
I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog license tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting license tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle licence registration tax, capital gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, Colorado property tax, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming, Oklahoma and New Mexico sales tax, and many more that I can't recall but I have run out of space and money. When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake. Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest. P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.

Ed Barnett
Wichita Falls
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<b><!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Floridian called 911 three times over McDonald's chicken shortage<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--></b>

MARCH 3--Angered that her local McDonald's was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food "emergency." Latreasa Goodman, 27, last Saturday called police to complain that a cashier--citing a McDonald's all sales are final policy--would not give her a refund.

When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Goodman noted, "I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report.

That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."

Last month, a Florida man was arrested after he called 911 to complain about his displeasure with a Burger King combo meal.

<i>Only in Florida... </i>
 
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