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Wacky News Stories

OBATMA!
Posted on Tuesday, October 14th, 2008
By Tap Vann
<img src="http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/obatmaismybrother.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
At a shocking press conference this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama announced that he has a half-man half-bat half-brother.
The boyish looking half brother of undetermined age had been living in a cave in the Karura Forest outside Nairobi, until he was recently discovered by Dr. Robert Ndesango of Kenyatta University. Dr. Ndesango, who had been researching in the cave, was at first startled by the unusual boy, who quickly introduced himself as Obatma. Soon enough, the boy was showing him his part of the cave and pictures he’d drawn on the walls.
Tests indicate that the boy mutant is indeed Barack Obama’s younger half brother; the two share a father but have different mothers.
It was during the “gap” in his official itinerary in Israel that Obama took a military helicopter to Kenya to clandestinely visit his kin. The McCain camp had obtained pictures of Obatma and had threatened to release them to the nation if Obama did not own up to the mutant.
<img src="http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/obatmainterview.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
Senator Obama stood proudly next to the brother he claims to have first met on a trip to Kenya during the late 1990’s. Michelle Obama declined to attend the announcement and said through a spokeswoman, “That boy is strange. He will not be coming near my house or my kids.”
When asked how Obama’s half brother came to be a half-bat mutant, Obama said it was “a family matter that should remain private.”
Critics question if having a mutant brother could hurt him in the election. Obama replied “There is no greater bond than that of family. Turning my back on him would be like cutting off a limb. From the volcanoes of Hawaii, through the cornfields of Kansas and on to the caves of Kenya, I have lived the American dream and my unique diversity is what truly allows me to be so audacious in my hope.
“Obatma shares my DNA and will be uniquely qualified to understand some of the difficult issues facing mutants in this country and around the world.”
Will Bat Boy, the most famous mutant of them all, now come out and endorse Obama?
Senator McCain could not be reached for comment, but sources say he was glad that the intense discussion of Obatma now sweeping the nation would lessen the focus on whether his running mate, Governor Palin, may actually be a Palien hailing from a small planet east of the sun known as Wazeela.
 
I hate to double post, but this all important news is just coming to light on election night...

PALIN BAGS A BIGFOOT
Posted on Saturday, October 11th, 2008
By Reginald Cunningham III
<img src="http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/palinkillsbigfoot.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
WASILLA, AK - Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.
A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as “a sexy librarian shooting out the side.” Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.
The Bigfoot, or Sasquatch as it is known in scientific circles, was found dead on the outskirts of the park, just south of Wasilla, Alaska. Preliminary forensics reports confirm that an adult male Sasquatch was shot in the face with Palin’s trademark 5mm M4 Carbine Assault Rifle.
Environmental groups are in an uproar at the hunting death of a rare and notoriously reclusive species. Efforts to have the Sasquatch placed on the endangered species list have met with repeated opposition from state legislature, since protecting the ‘Missing Link’ could be seen as validating evolution.
Conservatives have immediately rallied to their party’s new star, citing that gun ownership and hunting are indelible parts of American culture. Indeed this point is hard to argue, as John Adams was notorious for having captured what he called a “Skunk Ape” and killing it with his bare hands on the White House lawn in front of a paying audience.
 
Speaking of bigfoots, have you guys seen the "Messin' with Sasquatch" commercials? Its hysterical. Laz, you may have seen them since they probably air only in the states. Check out the commercials <a href="http://www.messinwithsasquatch.com/" target="_blank">here</a> and click on the "view commercials" link because they are hysterical. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<!--quoteo--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE </div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><b>Iranian security forces arrest 'spy pigeons'</b>

From correspondents in Iran

October 21, 2008 06:12pm

SECURITY forces have "arrested" two suspected "spy pigeons" near Iran's controversial uranium enrichment facility, local media reports.

One of the pigeons was caught near a rosewater production plant in the city of Kashan in Isfahan province, according to the report in the reformist Etemad Melli newspaper.

It cited an unnamed source as saying some metal rings and invisible strings were attached to the bird.

"Early this month, a black pigeon was caught bearing a blue-coated metal ring, with invisible strings," the source was quoted yesterday as saying of the second pigeon.

The source gave no further description of the pigeons, their current status nor what their fate would be.

Iran's heavily bunkered underground uranium enrichment plant is at Natanz, not far from Kashan.

It is not the first time the Islamic Republic has accused members of the animal kingdom of collaborating with its enemies.

Last year the country's media reported that 14 squirrels were arrested for espionage.

"The squirrels were equipped with the spy gear of foreign agencies, and were stopped before they could act, thanks to the alertness of our intelligence services," the IRNA news agency wrote.

The activity at the uranium enrichment plant is the focus of Iran's five-year standoff with the West, which that fears it aims to develop nuclear weapons.

Tehran denies the charge.

Last year, Iran issued a formal protest over the use of espionage by the United States to produce a key intelligence report on the country's controversial nuclear program.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="unsure.gif" />

Original story here :
<a href="http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24530598-663,00.html" target="_blank">http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,2...598-663,00.html</a>
 
Those squirrels are the wave of the future in espionage. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/yes.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":yes" border="0" alt="yes.gif" />
 
Woman Swallows Cell Phone After Argument <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/piratesing.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shock" border="0" alt="piratesing.gif" />

BLUE SPRINGS, Mo. - A lovers' dispute over a cell phone ended suddenly when the woman swallowed the phone whole, police said.

Police said they received a call at 4:52 a.m. Friday from a Blue Springs man who said his girlfriend was having trouble breathing. When they arrived at the house they found the 24-year-old woman had a cell phone lodged in her throat.

"He wanted the phone and she wouldn't give it to him, so she attempted to swallow it," Detective Sgt. Steve Decker of the Blue Springs Police Department. "She just put the entire phone in her mouth so he couldn't get it."

Police said an ambulance transported the woman to St. Mary's Medical Center in Blue Springs. A hospital spokeswoman said she couldn't give details about the woman's health since police have not released her identity.
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/get-attachmentaspx-6.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
That woud have been a real pain in the balls if he had tried to stand up too quickly.

Somehow I can't imagine not knowing this took place...alcohol could have been involved.
 
<b>Woman with giant legs: The woman with giant leg</b>s
A sad story by <b>Angie </b>on November 7th, 2008

Mandy Sellars’ photo is below. Mandy Sellars, the woman with giant legs, is suspected to have the Proteus Syndrome. The woman with giant legs has met orthopedic surgeon Dr William Ertl and prosthetic maker Kevin Carroll. Dr Ertl and Mr Carroll will work with Mandy Sellars to help her do something about her legs. It is a race against time to find a solution for Mandy Sellars as her doctors have warned her about the dire consequences. The woman with giant legs may have to amputate her legs if her condition can not be healed.
The longer story on the<a href="http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/feature/proteus-syndrome-a-woman-with-giant-legs_10086365.html" target="_blank"> woman with giant legs</a> is at the link.
Mandy Sellars:
<img src="http://celebgalz.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/435.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=288338:date=Nov 9 2008, 12:46 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Nov 9 2008, 12:46 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=288338"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/get-attachmentaspx-6.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

Ouch! <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/piratesing.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shock" border="0" alt="piratesing.gif" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=288384:date=Nov 10 2008, 03:40 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Nov 10 2008, 03:40 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=288384"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->I never knew there was such a condition.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

There was a show on TLC last night about her - they made it sound like it's going to be a weekly series. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":?" border="0" alt="unsure.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/get-attachment-1aspx-3.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
<b>RAISE THE SPEED LIMIT TO 100 MPH</b>
Posted on Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
By Ed Anger, Weekly World News; <a href="http://www.weeklyworldnews.com" target="_blank">www.weeklyworldnews.com</a>

<img src="http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/edanger-300x229.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />

I'm madder than Richard Petty with a flat tire over all the talk about lowering the speed limit on the U.S. highways. Just a few years ago we were able to move the speed limit up to 70 m.p.h. but now some Nervous Nellies want to push it back to 55 m.p.h.

These chickens have some fancy study showing that when people lose control of their cars they'll flip over two extra times if they're going 70 instead of 55. I say instead of lowering the speed limit they should RAISE it. I think 100 m.p.h. is a nice round figure, but if your car has 140 on its speedometer, I say go for it.

Americans love speed - we always have and always will. Back in the days of the covered wagon, the only pioneers who survived were the ones fast enough to outrun the Indians. And why did Henry Ford invent the car in the first place? He once summed it up to a reporter in five simple words, "I wanted to go faster."

It seems to me that the only people who don't want to go faster are blue-haired geezer gals who always seem to poke along in front of me going about 25 m.p.h. straddling the middle line on the highway. Imagine how these old ladies will feel when they see me coming at them going 100 m.p.h. It might scare them into their senses and teach them to clear off the road once and for all.

And forget about people telling you that fast speeds aren't safe. The simple fact is if you're driving 100 m.p.h., you get wherever you're going a lot faster than if you're lollygagging along at 30 m.p.h. And when you get where you're going, you're off the road. And friends, when you're not on the road, you won't be involved in any accidents.
And you'd better believe that policemen and state troopers would love to see us raise the speed limits. Hey, cops love going fast, too - and when they're chasing down a speeder, they want a chance to see how fast their patrol car can go.
 
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