Joke thread

[Meigger]

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[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

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[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

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[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

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[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

: What ever works.

 

[marbatico]

 

[Meigger]

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[Old Salt]

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[marbatico]

a policeman gets a report of a fight in a house, so he goes checking it.

the policeman sees a man hitting a women.
the policeman starts hitting the man.
the woman starts hitting the policeman.
the policeman starts hitting the woman.
the man starts helping the policeman hitting the woman.
the man and the policeman have a beer.
the policeman leaves.

the moral? problem solved.

 

[Grey Roger]

If I go into my garden and sunbathe naked, and the woman next door goes into her garden and sees me, she reports me for indecent exposure and I get arrested.

If the woman next door goes into her garden and sunbathes naked, and I go into my garden and see her, she reports me for being a peeping Tom and I get arrested.

 

[Meigger]

: Yep. That's the way it generally works.

 

[Old Salt]

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[D4V1DXxX]

-- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
-- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
-- Definition of an upgrade: old bugs out, new ones in.
-- C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
-- Why doesn't it ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename"?
-- As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
-- Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
-- E Pluribus Modem
-- >File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
-- Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny.
-- A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.
-- A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
-- Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
-- Windows: just another pane in the glass.
-- Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
-- All computers wait at the same speed.
-- Go ahead, make my data.
-- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
-- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
-- ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
-- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

 

[D4V1DXxX]

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch.а The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that the guy won't be able to tell the difference.а The guy downs the Scotch and says: "This Scotch is only ten years old!а I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."

Amazed, the bartender reaches into a locked cabinet underneath the bar and pulls out a bottle of twenty-year old Scotch and pours the man a shot.а The guy drinks it down and says, "That was twenty-year old Scotch.а I asked for forty-year old Scotch."

So the bartender goes into the back room and brings out a bottle of thirty-year old Scotch and pours the guy a drink. а By now a small crowd has gathered around the man and is watching anxiously as he downs the latest drink.а Once again the guy states the true age of the Scotch and repeats his original request for forty-year old Scotch.

The bartender can hold off no longer and disappears into the cellar to get a bottle of prime forty-year old Scotch. Soon, the bartender returns with the bottle and pours a shot. The guy downs the Scotch and says, "Now this is forty-year old Scotch!"а The crowd applauds his discriminating palate.

An old drunk who had been watching the proceedings with interest, raises a full shot glass of his own and says, "Here, take a swig of this."

The guy takes the glass and downs the drink in one swallow. Immediately, he chokes and spits out the liquid on the barroom floor. "My God!а That tastes like piss," he yells.

"Great guess," says the drunk.а "Now, how old am I?"

 

[D4V1DXxX]

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."

The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."

The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.

"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."

The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks.

Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."

 

[Meigger]

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