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Joke thread

<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/dailygag-1.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /> Nice one.
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/dailybest.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/27-1.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /> Back to probes are we.
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cartoons/gspz1116.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
Farrah Fawcett died and went up to heaven... At the gates into heaven God asks her
"What wish do you want me to grant to the world you just left?"
to this Fawcett replies
"All I wish for is the children of the world to be safe!"

So god granting her wish killed Michael Jackson

<i>Someone told me this at my hockey game and I couldn't contain myself from laughing... I do think that it was shocking that both these performers died on the same day.</i>
 
I heard one also about Michael Jackson being so overjoyed that school let out for the summer that he had a heart attack.

It didn't take long for these jokes to start coming.
 
<!--quoteo(post=333889:date=Jun 29 2009, 04:51 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Old Salt @ Jun 29 2009, 04:51 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=333889"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->It didn't take long for these jokes to start coming.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I didn't even know he was dead when I started getting people

I was like what is up with Michael Jackson <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/dunno.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shrug" border="0" alt="dunno.gif" />

And then I logged on msn and it was the top news on ninemsn, didn't know what to think
 
how could you possibly miss that <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/piratesing.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shock" border="0" alt="piratesing.gif" />
 
Bad Day
When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy , go to the thermometer section
and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.
Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains
and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement,
"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested."
Close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,
"I am so glad I do not work in the Thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER,
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS

<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=333994:date=Jun 30 2009, 03:02 AM:name=marbatico)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (marbatico @ Jun 30 2009, 03:02 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=333994"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->how could you possibly miss that <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/piratesing.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":shock" border="0" alt="piratesing.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
I couldn't be bothered watching tv that day and wasn't on my computer. That joke I told came after I found out by the way.
 
<!--quoteo(post=334027:date=Jun 29 2009, 08:38 PM:name=Iron Roger Flint)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Iron Roger Flint @ Jun 29 2009, 08:38 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=334027"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested."<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
However, the <a href="http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/thermometer.asp" target="_blank">testing</a> is probably not quite what you're thinking of. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=";)" border="0" alt="wink.gif" />

Which is just as well. Would you really want to insert into yourself a thermometer which has already been used? <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":D" border="0" alt="biggrin.gif" />
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/no.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":no" border="0" alt="no.gif" />
 
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