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Visit our website www.piratehorizons.com to quickly find download links for the newest versions of our New Horizons mods Beyond New Horizons and Maelstrom New Horizons!-
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Quick links for Beyond New Horizons
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Quick links for PotC: New Horizons
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Quick links for AoP2: Gentlemen of Fortune 2
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<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/emoticons/get-attachmentaspx-2.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
<!--sizeo:4--><span style="font-size:14pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro-->2008's First Christmas Joke <!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->
<!--sizeo:2--><span style="font-size:10pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><!--coloro:#008000--><span style="color:#008000"><!--/coloro-->
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols." <!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc-->
<!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->
<!--sizeo:4--><span style="font-size:14pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro-->And So The Christmas Season Begins......<!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/emoticons/get-attachment-1aspx.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" /><img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/emoticons/get-attachment-2aspx.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" /><img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/emoticons/get-attachment-3aspx.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening. Suddenly,
she felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some
time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, then moved down
past the small of her back, caressed her shoulders and neck. He then slowly
worked his hand down over her chest , stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the
side of her chest again, working down her side, passed gently over her
buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then,he proceeded up her inner thigh,
stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same
manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving
voice, 'That was wonderful! Why did you stop?'
He said, 'I found the remote'
Meigger
1000th Member Man
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="24.gif" /> She probably made him <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thwalkplank.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="thwalkplank.gif" /> after that.
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
He then goes for a walk around town, and spots an ice-cream shop. Being a penguin in Arizona, he decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a bowl of vanilla ice cream. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin shakes his head furiously and shouts, "It's ice cream, I swear!"
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/emoticons/Grinch-1.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" /> <!--sizeo:3--><span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo--><!--coloro:#FF0000--><span style="color:#FF0000"><!--/coloro-->How to Tell if You're a Grinch <!--colorc--></span><!--/colorc--><!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec--><img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/emoticons/Grinch-1.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points)
You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out)
You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points)
You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.
You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction).
You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.
At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party)
You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own [Southern California only, others ignore]. (5 points -- nobody but Angelenos are dumb enough to dress a car)
After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year).
Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no. (20 points)
Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.
20-30: You are just a cheeseball.
30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.
50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived. -
:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /> Wonder if the turkey will win out.
" border="0" alt="me.gif" /> <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_mrgreen1.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="
" border="0" alt="icon_mrgreen1.gif" />