• New Horizons on Maelstrom
    Maelstrom New Horizons


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Joke thread

Dieting rule - When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
 
Two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "Hey look, bear tracks!"
To which the other blonde replies, "No those are deer tracks!" They argue for about an hour.
Next morning, the news headlines read: Two blondes, killed by train.
 
Dieting rule - When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/cows.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Nice one Salty.

Diet rule - Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Examples: Hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/snakes.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/birddroppings.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Diet rule - If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories.
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/goldfish-diarrhea.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0519.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0527.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/995108.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/gspz0718.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
Sign you might be upset - You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/burger.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l133/meigger/954772.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<img src="http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x172/oldsalt_bucket/elephant.gif" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
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