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Joke thread

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
 
<img src="http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/335am.jpg" border="0" class="linked-image" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=0:date=:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Old Salt)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
We don't use Cessnas in Poland, mate <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/no.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":no" border="0" alt="no.gif" />
 
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what
happened.

The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I
Looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree,
so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."

The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Miss ... I don’t know how to
tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road is your air freshener."
 
Wife wakes up her husband
"You forgot to wind the clock and throw out the cat"
Husband stumbles sleepily out of the bedroom ,there is a loud racket and alot of cussing from the front room.
Husband walks back in the bedroom scratched and bloody . Wife asks "what hapened" .
Husband says " Throwing out the clock was hard enough ,but winding the cat was a b***h "
 
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's a Ferrari, not a Porch."
 
<img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile2.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":))" border="0" alt="smile2.gif" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=195363:date=May 19 2007, 08:44 PM:name=Old Salt)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Old Salt @ May 19 2007, 08:44 PM) [snapback]195363[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what
happened.

The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I
Looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree,
so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."

The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Miss ... I don’t know how to
tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road is your air freshener."<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

OK, as a blonde I am offended by all these "blonde" jokes- except for this one, I've heard them all! <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/icon_wink.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=";)" border="0" alt="icon_wink.gif" />

Oh, all right; here are a couple more:

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
<i>She kept throwing away the Ws</i>

A blonde and a brunette jump from the Empire State Bldg; which one hits first?
<i>The brunette; the blonde had to stop and ask directions</i>

I had some more, but being blonde...... I've forgotten them. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/bounce.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":b:" border="0" alt="bounce.gif" />
 
I was waiting for Mary to see this thread. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=195845:date=May 21 2007, 11:20 PM:name=Mary Read)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mary Read @ May 21 2007, 11:20 PM) [snapback]195845[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->A blonde and a brunette jump from the Empire State Bldg; which one hits first?
<i>The brunette; the blonde had to stop and ask directions</i><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

That was good. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
Cowboy entered the bar and he saw 3 girls. He pulls out the gun and shoot the first two. He approached the last one and asked:
<i> Are you alone?</i>
 
Alaska's More Important Laws

In Fairbanks it is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

It is the state policy that emergencies are held to a minimum and are rarely found to exist.-Sec. 44.62.270. State policy.

Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
 
funny laws indeed, but all of these must have happened or there would be no reason to forbid such actions.

btw who would be crazy enough to wake up a sleeping bear <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
i have one:

if two trains meet on the same track, neither of them may move until one of them has passed.
 
<!--quoteo(post=196480:date=May 24 2007, 11:49 AM:name=shokre)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(shokre @ May 24 2007, 11:49 AM) [snapback]196480[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->btw who would be crazy enough to wake up a sleeping bear <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

You'd be surprised. During a visit to Yellowstone National Park, I actually saw a man get out of his car, push a black bear into his seat, take a picture with his wife still in the car. He then pulled the bear out of his car, got back in and drove off. I was stunned! This man and his wife almost became a bizarre, yet tragic statistic. Stupidity knows no bounds.

As for weird laws, here are some from my state- Montana:

-Horses still have the right of way, whether pulling a cart or not.
-Until last year, it was legal to drink and drive, you just could not be <u>drunk</u> and drive.
-Some small towns still have ordinances forbidding spitting, swearing and/or kissing in public.
-When there was a national 55mph speed limit, it was only a $5.00 fine and nothing went on your record. It was not really a driving violation, but a conservation violation- wasting gasoline.
-When the national speed limit was repelled, Montana went back to no speed limit; only commercial vehicles had a posted limit. It was called the "Safe & Prudent Law". (We now have a 75mph speed limit.)
 
<!--quoteo(post=196754:date=May 25 2007, 06:04 PM:name=Mary Read)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mary Read @ May 25 2007, 06:04 PM) [snapback]196754[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec--><!--quoteo(post=196480:date=May 24 2007, 11:49 AM:name=shokre)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(shokre @ May 24 2007, 11:49 AM) [snapback]196480[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->btw who would be crazy enough to wake up a sleeping bear <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

You'd be surprised. During a visit to Yellowstone National Park, I actually saw a man get out of his car, push a black bear into his seat, take a picture with his wife still in the car. He then pulled the bear out of his car, got back in and drove off. I was stunned! This man and his wife almost became a bizarre, yet tragic statistic. Stupidity knows no bounds.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

That reminds me of something similar I saw in a documentary a long time ago. A man and his wife saw a bear and pulled over to take a picture of it. The man got out and walked over to the bear while his wife stayed in the car with the camera. The guy actually walked closer and closer to the bear, even as it stood up and assumed a threatening posture and growled. The wife was calling out in a matter of fact voice to "Be careful, Harold." as the guy kept edging closer and closer. I think he even picked up a stick and was poking it at the bear. Finally the bear had enough and grabbed the guy and started eating him as the wife started screaming in the car.
The incredible stupidity of some people is just staggering.
 
In Tennesse it is illegal to shoot wild game from a moving vehicle ,with the exception of WHALES .It is legal to shoot whales from a motor vehicle in Tenesse <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" />
 
<!--quoteo(post=196808:date=May 25 2007, 10:20 PM:name=will0170)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(will0170 @ May 25 2007, 10:20 PM) [snapback]196808[/snapback]</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->In Tennesse it is illegal to shoot wild game from a moving vehicle ,with the exception of WHALES .It is legal to shoot whales from a motor vehicle in Tenesse <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":rofl" border="0" alt="24.gif" /><!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->


Next time I am in Tennessee, I will be on the <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/keith.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":keith" border="0" alt="keith.gif" /> for a whale. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="xD:" border="0" alt="laugh.gif" />
 
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