Joke thread

[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

:

 

[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

:

 

[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

: Sounds like good advise.

 

[Grey Roger]

Wheelchair users to the left, in reverse. Zimmer frames and non-disabled people to the right.
In case of fire, run somewhere.

 

[Old Salt]

:

 

[Meigger]

Double :

 

[Old Salt]

 

[rupertlittlebear]

it means

"Time for a trick"

 

[Meigger]

:

 

[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

: Seems the witch just can get a break.

 

[Old Salt]

 

[Meigger]

A fast draw turkey. :

 

[Old Salt]

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth."

 

[Meigger]

: Probably also hid the jar they were kept in also.

 

[Old Salt]

Things to do in the bathroom stall...

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"

13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
20. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."

 

[Meigger]

Number 20 should be number one, in so far as you should always make sure there is toilet paper in the stall before you sit down.