If You Captained A Pirate Ship What would Be Your articles?

[Walter Kennedy]

Greets mates! Seeing that my poll in POTC is slowly getting votes I thought'd I post this question a fun one just use your imagination: If you captained a Pirate ship and since a proper crew cannot work without proper dicipline what would be your ship's articles? Ex: My rules

1. rum reserved for Captain and Quartermaster only, the private gents- wine and ale.

2. All gold related things, ie; Gold dust, gold bars, gold coins, gold jewerly, etc. Goes to the Captain And Quartermaster, Private gents can have everything else.

3. Lights be turned out by 10 o clock and only the captain, quartermaster and 2nd mate can stay up and drink after that time.

4. The private gents get 1 sea chest, 1 hammock, 2 meals a day, and shares of plunder, The Captain, Quartermaster and 2nd mate get: 13 sea chests, 1 comfy bed, 3 meals a day and parrots.

5. No deserting during battle.

6. No talk of mutiny and keep pistols and cuttlasses clean and ready for service.

. Any man who disobeys these articles shall suffer Mose's Law ( basicly being whipped with the Cat O nines), marooning, etc.

See I'm a little cruel to my men in these rules but whatever just your imagination any rules you want if you could pick, they could be realistic or unrealistic, for instance most of my articles were unrealistic though Mose's Law is realistic also 5 and 6 too. Reply to this post with your articles! Have fun!

 

[Post Captain]

I. Thou shalt reserve thy shoulder for thy tropical birds. Hawks, vultures, as well as tortoises, salamanders, and other reptiles, shall not be permitted.
II. Thou shall cleaneth thy naughty bits once a week.
III. Thou shall moon all vessels that passeth.
IV. Thou shalt have no other God but thy bosun.

 

[Grey Roger]

Rum shall be divided as follows:
Captain, 4 shares; Other officers, 2 shares; Other ranks, 1 share.
The captain may donate some of his share to any other officer he deems to have performed his duty exceptionally well. The captain and other officers may likewise donate some of their share to any other rank for similar reason.

Booty shall be divided according to the same rules as rum.

Nobody shall be caught not drinking after lights out. Lights out is defined as that time when the captain retires to his cabin to start the drinking.

The penalty for failing to maintain a personal weapon is death, probably at the hands of an enemy crewmember during the next boarding. The penalty for failing to maintain other equipment is either a minor or major offence depending on the severity and duration of the neglect.

Punishment shall be as follows:
Minor offence, 5 strokes of the cat; Major offence, 20 strokes of the cat; Mutiny, 100 strokes of the cat or such lesser amount as reduces the now ex-mutineer to a pile of shredded meat, which shall be cast overboard.

Note to new recruits: the cat is not the multi-strand tickling stick used on some other ships. It is a real cat, which until about a month ago was the absolute king of the entire feline population of Port Royal and father of most of it. It fought any male cat and raped any female cat which had been on the island for more than a week, including the governor's brother-in-law's pet tigers. It would often hang around the dock looking for new arrivals, which is how some of our lads press-ganged it. The noblemen of Port Royal each donated a barrel of rum to the ship as a reward. The captain duly donated his entire share to the crewmen who had captured the cat, for several of the noblewomen of Port Royal had expressed their gratitude to him in a more personal and intimate manner. Anyone wishing to stroke the cat is advised to wear a metal gauntlet or preferably full armour, which luxuries are denied to any miscreant sentenced to stroke the cat as punishment. Incidentally, the governor's brother-in-law's tigress is due to give birth to a litter of cubs some time soon, which cubs are expected to be a different colour to normal. If they inherit their father's temper, any other captain wishing to acquire a similar means of discipline should present himself to the governor's brother-in-law and say our captain sent him. Do not be surprised if the governor's brother-in-law hands you a suit of armour and then gives his servants the day off to watch the entertainment.

 

[Walter Kennedy]

More Of my articles-

7. Should a Man O war be spotted everyman is to only say these words: "My name is Billy and I'm an english guy and most defintley not a pirate".

8. Anyman who dares to steal from the captain- say your prayers.

9. Anyman who does his "buissness" on the poop deck shall be severely beaten, whipped and thrown overboard.

10. Musicians shall sing everyday by request- a break only on the sabbath.

11. Should anyman be caught sleeping with thy teddy bear- he shalll be relieved of his money, hammock, lose 1 meal, wine privileges and will be forced to eat little bits of leather, old cheese, and his bear shall be hung from the bowsprit as a warning to those "soft" corsairs.

12. 1 wench for each private gent, The quartermaster, coxswain, bosun, first mate, quartermaster and captain- any amount that pleases.

13. No drinking of the alchohol during battle, no using a pistol, or musket while drunk and no using of the sword when drunk.

14. No books allowed aboard EXCEPT: Master And Commander series, pirate related-comics or books, sailing books, maps navigational charts and a large bible mounted in the Stern where all may read and pray.

15. Any curses or foul language from any crewmember- about the captain shall imeidatly be beheaded.

As Captain Of The Good Ship Lolipop schooner I announce these rules to be final. Time for rum.

 

[Post Captain]

Note to new recruits: the cat is not the multi-strand tickling stick used on some other ships. It is a real cat, which until about a month ago was the absolute king of the entire feline population of Port Royal and father of most of it. It fought any male cat and raped any female cat which had been on the island for more than a week, including the governor's brother-in-law's pet tigers. It would often hang around the dock looking for new arrivals, which is how some of our lads press-ganged it. The noblemen of Port Royal each donated a barrel of rum to the ship as a reward. The captain duly donated his entire share to the crewmen who had captured the cat, for several of the noblewomen of Port Royal had expressed their gratitude to him in a more personal and intimate manner. Anyone wishing to stroke the cat is advised to wear a metal gauntlet or preferably full armour, which luxuries are denied to any miscreant sentenced to stroke the cat as punishment. Incidentally, the governor's brother-in-law's tigress is due to give birth to a litter of cubs some time soon, which cubs are expected to be a different colour to normal. If they inherit their father's temper, any other captain wishing to acquire a similar means of discipline should present himself to the governor's brother-in-law and say our captain sent him. Do not be surprised if the governor's brother-in-law hands you a suit of armour and then gives his servants the day off to watch the entertainment.

That made the entire post worth reading.